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19 September 2006 @ 02:04 am
patrick calvin breslin

1/7/87 - 9/18/06

a really really wonderful person. every time i think about it i just can't take it.

i wish i knew you better, patrick, i wish we still had years and years and years to get to know eachother more. i wish you were still here so i could tell you how much you were loved, by everyone who met you. i wish i could tell you that there was some other way out of whatever it was that made you do it. i wish i could say hi to you one more time and not be able to understand what you said because you were talking so fast. i wish you could see all the lives you've touched. i hope i see you again some day.
09 September 2006 @ 05:13 pm
wow, so it has been a REALLY long time since i've posted. if you missed me, tell me ;)

school has started and the first few weeks have gone by. it's been good and i'm really happy to be back - i was kind of worried that i'd dread being here again, but i really love it.

my audition wasn't the greatest, but it was alright. in my lesson with mr. andrews, he played the tape for me (he records all our auditions so we can hear them afterward and learn from them) and the concerto (crappy roman baroque concerto) kinda sucked, and the brahms (symph. 1, mvt. 4) was alright. (he said "oh, actually... this was good" so i'm thinking to myself... great, you gave me a shitty score on it but now you're thinking it was good?? :P) but then he said it was like a different player was playing the tchaikovsky (francesca da rimini) and the rimsky-korsakov (scheherezade) excerpts. the tchaik was practically flawless, i couldn't believe it was ME on the recording! and he actually told me that my scheherezade was TOO fast! (he actually didn't say too fast, he said it was faster than he'd ever heard it, and didn't know if an orchestra would ever take it at that tempo) he said it wasn't something that he was being critical about and that it obviously wasn't something for which he'd take points off, but that he was impressed by the technique and facility etc etc. he took a metronome out to try to figure out what tempo i took, and apparently i played it between 180 and 190!? ahahhah i was on SPEED or something. anyway, i'm playing piccolo in the wind ensemble for the first two concerts, and i'm 4th (out of 4! hahaa) chair flute for the 3rd concert, so it may seem like that's not a great seat since it's 'last', it still is really great because i'm one of only 7 flutes (in our 31-person studio) who are NOT in symphonic/concert band. i'm working on being more consistent both in my playing, but my practicing too. this might seem retarded to even state, but i know if i can become more consistent in my practicing (which i am working on!) i can be a better player and better auditioner.

mr. andrews recommended me to play piccolo in the northern symphonic winds! it's a wind ensemble made up of crane professors and musicians from around the area, and it's supplemented by students from crane, so it's a really nice honor to have been asked! i can't wait to play in the ensemble and see how it is, and from what i've heard, the music for the concert (we didn't get it yet) is going to be good, and there are some cool piccolo parts!

i'm in a class called 'musical theater performance' and i'm really excited about it. it's basically a class to prepare you to have a successful audition. everything from how to walk into the room, what to wear, how to present yourself, all the way to the actual singing and performing. we pick three songs, an up-tempo, a ballad, and then a third song to round out our 'package' haha. i'm singing lost in the wilderness from children of eden for my up-tempo, which i'm pretty excited about. still deciding on my ballad, but that's not for a few weeks anyway.

other classes are fine, neither here nor there. i have to pick a topic for my symphonic literature class, but there's so much about orchestral music that fascinates me, it should be easy to pick something i'll both enjoy researching and learn a lot about!

i'll try to be more current and consistent with my live journal updating! haha :)
28 July 2006 @ 01:35 am
after a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
after a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
and you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong,
that you really do have worth.
and you learn and you learn...
with every good-bye you learn...
17 July 2006 @ 06:22 pm
apparently my cousin was killed. and burned. he was addicted to drugs and probably owed somebody something.

what shit.

he was 26 or so.
17 July 2006 @ 03:53 pm
the beach was so much fun yesterday :) it was great seeing cathie and alex again, and i missed jacquie from nyu SO much, so it was amazing to see her again. kim and i had some fun on the drives there and back (with my dozing off quite a bit on the ride home, it's a good thing kim was driving!) haha

we spent like 5ish hours on the beach, and since i (of course) did not put on sunscreen, i ended up getting totally lobster-red sunburn. my whole back/chest/neck/etc etc are like glowing red. amusingly enough, my legs are as white as they were before, and they were out in the sun as long as everything else was. my face and arms are a little bit red, but more tan really, which is great!

trying not to hurt too much every time i move.... haha :)
15 July 2006 @ 08:03 am
so much to update about!

saw rent last saturday with zoe and her aunt, and it was fabulous! i loved it, probably the best i've seen it, and it was my fourth time. here is my wonderful review:

mark (matt caplan): my fourth time seeing him and i'm really kind of sick of it. he wasn't awful the whole time, in fact he was hilarious in tango: maureen, but other than that, i really still feel like he's uber-sarcastic and rushes through his lines and it just results in this really bad portrayal of mark, in my opinion.
mimi (antonique smith): yay for you, girl. really raspy and dark voice, and it was to the point where i was nervous for her when she was going up to her higher notes and runs... but boy oh boy. she kicked ass on those notes, and belted them out like crazy. in tune and everything. good for her. karmine's still my favorite, but antonique was great.
roger (tim howar): i wasn't into him when he sang one song glory, it was really forced and he just didn't seem to get it, acting-wise. in act two he came alive, though, and his acting and his singing seemed like a whole different person. your eyes was incredible, and even before that, in goodbye love and what you own, he was really great. which is why i'm even more dissapointed in his one song glory.
maureen (ava gaudet): hello! what a fabulous maureen. she can sing, she did an amazing over the moon, and there were a few times we had to take a double take, because she totally looks like idina, depending on how her hair is falling and stuff like that. it was incredible.
joanne (nicole lewis): i really enjoyed her, i thought her voice was great and acting was good too. as usual, between her and maureen, take me or leave me blew me away!
angel (justin johnson): i've seen justin before and he's amazing. i love his angel.
collins (destan owens): i think his voice is amazing, however, the overall pitch of his voice is a little high. he doesn't have that deep baritone resonance, but his i'll cover you reprise was fantastic, as usual, and i thought he and angel were great together.
benny (d'monroe): as usual i don't feel like he stood out as good or bad, i think maybe the part of benny in general doesn't stick out to me. although i enjoyed his you'll see.

overall, i thought the show was fantastic, and i can't wait to go back when matt caplan isn't going to be there! agh, i know, i'm terrible. but i really want to see a new mark!! :X

other than that, things have been kind of same old same old here. i just got back from spending the night with mike in new paltz, and he's a really great guy. he's adorable, sweet, funny, and somehow he's crazy enough to think i'm cute too. i think he's literally the perfect guy. idk what my problem is, i should be head over heels, right? maybe i'm just the problem, lol. in any event, he's a great friend to have and we have fun together, what happens happens.

we might be going to the beach on sunday, which will be nice seeing as my tan is starting to fade. hopefully cathie can come with us! also, next week i'm going down to the island on friday to see chris, then i'm going with cathie and karen to cathie's uncle's house in hampton bays for saturday and sunday. that will be a really nice much-needed weekend away with some great people.

sleep now?
07 July 2006 @ 08:54 am
so obviously one of those nights i can't sleep (as it's 9am and i still haven't gone to bed) but anyway, i put in the dvd of working from freshman year at crane. that production (although working was not the greatest musical inherently...) was so well done... and everybody in it was so great. every part was perfect. and it's the last time i've been in an actual full production of a musical. i really really miss that. i want to be in a musical. and i want to sing a beautiful song, like fathers and sons was. i hope crane does a musical again soon. i think it might be senior year when they do the next one... and i hope that it's one that i can have a good part in. just one song. one beautiful song.
05 July 2006 @ 11:14 pm
1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.

this is fun, thanks janelle!Collapse )
04 July 2006 @ 02:49 am
i'm totally 20 years old. kind of exciting :)
02 July 2006 @ 07:52 pm
wow. feeling really stupid and naive. and sad. when does shit like this end? never.