i just randomly rediscovered livejournal.  doubtful that i will keep up with it, but i figured i'd post since i was here.

i'm going to peabody conservatory for my master's in piccolo performance!  and they gave me a full tuition assistantship for music theory!  which is awesome, because tuition is ridiculously expensive.  cathie is also going to peabody, and we're living together!  we just got an apartment and i'm really excited about moving and starting new.

hmm yeah that's it in my life really... haha

i haven't updated in a million years.

i'm in urinetown the musical right now.
i'm bobby strong
 we open in 9 days...

my life is so consumed by everything i'm doing, and i love everything that i'm doing, but it's all very overwhelming.  urinetown, that goes without saying, is taking over my life, but that will be over in less than two weeks.  thereafter i really have to practice like 8 hours a day for grad school auditions which will be coming up in the february and march.  i'm taking way too many classes, and that stresses me out even more.  all that, and i'm in a relationship that i have no time for, so my feelings for him (which are positive, i really like him) are negated by the fact that i have no time or energy to devote to him.  i have no right to be in a relationship right now.  i don't even have 5 minutes for myself, no less somebody else.  and the thing is, if i get 5 minutes, i want to spend it on myself.  and that might be selfish, but like, stuff gets to a point where if i don't have 'me' time i'm going to crazy and it's getting very very very close to that point right about now.

oh, so, grad school.... i'm never going to get in..

http://www.myspace.com/zachariahgalatis

go there!  :)

so here at crane we have a concerto competition, and 5 winners are picked to play with the orchestra.  this year they decided to pick 3 winners instead of 5, so that the orchestra wouldn't have to play so many concertos...

i competed today, and got 5th

HAAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA

how perfect!!

last night after the symphonic band concert, the band director (who is also the director of the wind ensemble, which i'm in) had a heart attack and had to be taken to the hospital.  when i found out i couldn't believe it.  i hope he's going to be okay - from what we hear, he will be. <3 dr. doyle <3

tomorrow is my mtp audition package presentation... i'm singing: "purpose" from avenue q, "nobody needs to know" from the last 5 years, and "giants in the sky" from into the woods.  yay, i love my song choices!  i hope they go well tomorrow, they sounded alright tonight when i sang for derek and lauren. 

i'm exhausted... my recital is in 9 days.  help me.... lol

i'm tired of indefinitely feeling this way - indefinitely for the past two years... i guess this time of year is particularly difficult for me.  but the bottom line is, i'm sick of it.  i'm sick of not being able to move on, to get past it.  i'm sick of not being able to look back at the past few years of my life and decide that it was well spent.  i can't even read past entries of my journal without spiraling into some sort of introverted depressed state where i can't even talk about what's wrong because the people who understand what's going on are probably so tired of hearing about the same thing over and over.  i'm also tired of feeling like my feelings are invalid just because they're two years old.  i'm sick of not managing to overcome it with something far more important.  i read in janelle's journal (janelle, -if you read this- sorry for not commenting on it, i meant to, it was a great quote!) this quote:  "if you've really had your first true love, no one can ever hurt you like that again."  and i think that's true.  i think the reason it's true is because i'll probably never naively and without hesitation open myself to someone again.  i'll never give them the chance to hurt me the same way michael did.  and that's probably the only reason why nobody will hurt me like that again.  the problem for me is that i don't ever see how i'm going to get over the pain of it regardless of whether future pain will be worse.  but i suppose that because of the fact that nothing since has come even close, i can't really fairly decide that i'm not going to feel better about it at some point... it's just hard in the mean time to come to terms with perpetually feeling like there's never going to be anything better - anything good - to make a difference in my life.  worse than thinking i'll never find someone, is thinking that i've found someone, and, well, it's easy to imagine how that turns out.

i'm tired of thinking.  goodnight.

let x equal the quantity of all quantities of x.
let x equal the cold.
it is cold in december.
the months of cold equal november through february.
there are four months of cold, and four of heat
leaving four months of indeterminate temperature.
in february it snows.
in march the lake is a lake of ice.
in september the students come back and the bookstores are full.
let x equal the month of full bookstores.
the number of books approaches infinity
as the number of months of cold approaches four.
i will never be as cold now as i will in the future.
the future of cold is infinite.
the future of heat is the future of cold.
the bookstores are infinite and so are never full except in september...

i'm an emotional wreck.

wow: liszt - les preludes. wow.

wow, i haven't used livejournal in a really long time. now that i'm home and have no life, maybe i'll use it more often.

grades are in for the semester! yay!

lit & style III - 4.0
conducting III - 4.0
symphonic lit - 4.0
musical theatre perf - 4.0
flute studio - 4.0
flute orchestral studies - 4.0

i passed my ensembles and stuff, and i got an incomplete for my recital which was rescheduled for next semester, but i knew about that already. the best part about grades this semester was that i had originally signed up to teach lessons to a non-major, but then after a sequence of miscommunications and whatever else, the girl dropped the lesson credits, so i was left with credits to teach, and no student. mr. andrews told me to ignore it and just pretend it didn't exist.... so i assumed there would be some sort of bad situation at the end of the semester that i'd have to deal with... so i look on my final grades. teaching lessons? 4.0. i didn't even hand in a single piece of paper for it... haha oh well, whatever. my overal gpa became a 3.93 with this semester's grades... so i hope it'll keep going up!

i've been home now for a week, and i have to say... home is getting kind of old. it's been nice seeing zoe, susan, and some other people that i've been able to hang out with that i haven't seen for a while.. but other that, idk... i'm not really feeling poughkeepsie. i worked on monday and tuesday when i first got back, my uncle needed some help with his holiday mail-out at his insurance agency. i ended up stuffing 450ish envelopes with calendars, planners and christmas letters.. it was tedious and totally mind numbing, but it was nice to get some extra money.

in other news... zipod has taken a turn for the worst. he only works when he's plugged in now, and won't hold a charge for more than 10 minutes if i unplug him. my aunt said she'd buy me a new ipod, which is great! i just have to decide now whether i want a white or a black one. any suggestions? i've heard the black ones scratch really easily, but they look cool. so idk.

our flute audition excerpts are a pain in my ass already, especially beethoven 3. the excerpts are from gluck's dance of the blessed spirits, beethoven symphony no. 3, and till eulenspeigel's merry pranks... which is just wonderful. till is turning out to be the least of my problems, though. my beethoven sounds pretty crappy and i always have trouble with the slow lyrical excerpt since i have no connection or musical line when i play. hey, if there's any flute player out there who's really good at slow lyrical stuff and has trouble with technique, we can share an orchestral seat somewhere; i'll just play all the technical stuff and you can play the slow pretty stuff. great, inquire within.

i'm planning on giving a recital over break somewhere in poughkeepsie, so i have to find out if my accompanist darren is available to work with me for it. i'll probably play my half-hour recital (which will be in the spring) repertoire plus some other stuff. right now i'm considering: ( recital rep! )

anyway, i have to go practice, haha.

patrick calvin breslin

1/7/87 - 9/18/06

a really really wonderful person. every time i think about it i just can't take it.

i wish i knew you better, patrick, i wish we still had years and years and years to get to know eachother more. i wish you were still here so i could tell you how much you were loved, by everyone who met you. i wish i could tell you that there was some other way out of whatever it was that made you do it. i wish i could say hi to you one more time and not be able to understand what you said because you were talking so fast. i wish you could see all the lives you've touched. i hope i see you again some day.

wow, so it has been a REALLY long time since i've posted. if you missed me, tell me ;)

school has started and the first few weeks have gone by. it's been good and i'm really happy to be back - i was kind of worried that i'd dread being here again, but i really love it.

my audition wasn't the greatest, but it was alright. in my lesson with mr. andrews, he played the tape for me (he records all our auditions so we can hear them afterward and learn from them) and the concerto (crappy roman baroque concerto) kinda sucked, and the brahms (symph. 1, mvt. 4) was alright. (he said "oh, actually... this was good" so i'm thinking to myself... great, you gave me a shitty score on it but now you're thinking it was good?? :P) but then he said it was like a different player was playing the tchaikovsky (francesca da rimini) and the rimsky-korsakov (scheherezade) excerpts. the tchaik was practically flawless, i couldn't believe it was ME on the recording! and he actually told me that my scheherezade was TOO fast! (he actually didn't say too fast, he said it was faster than he'd ever heard it, and didn't know if an orchestra would ever take it at that tempo) he said it wasn't something that he was being critical about and that it obviously wasn't something for which he'd take points off, but that he was impressed by the technique and facility etc etc. he took a metronome out to try to figure out what tempo i took, and apparently i played it between 180 and 190!? ahahhah i was on SPEED or something. anyway, i'm playing piccolo in the wind ensemble for the first two concerts, and i'm 4th (out of 4! hahaa) chair flute for the 3rd concert, so it may seem like that's not a great seat since it's 'last', it still is really great because i'm one of only 7 flutes (in our 31-person studio) who are NOT in symphonic/concert band. i'm working on being more consistent both in my playing, but my practicing too. this might seem retarded to even state, but i know if i can become more consistent in my practicing (which i am working on!) i can be a better player and better auditioner.

mr. andrews recommended me to play piccolo in the northern symphonic winds! it's a wind ensemble made up of crane professors and musicians from around the area, and it's supplemented by students from crane, so it's a really nice honor to have been asked! i can't wait to play in the ensemble and see how it is, and from what i've heard, the music for the concert (we didn't get it yet) is going to be good, and there are some cool piccolo parts!

i'm in a class called 'musical theater performance' and i'm really excited about it. it's basically a class to prepare you to have a successful audition. everything from how to walk into the room, what to wear, how to present yourself, all the way to the actual singing and performing. we pick three songs, an up-tempo, a ballad, and then a third song to round out our 'package' haha. i'm singing lost in the wilderness from children of eden for my up-tempo, which i'm pretty excited about. still deciding on my ballad, but that's not for a few weeks anyway.

other classes are fine, neither here nor there. i have to pick a topic for my symphonic literature class, but there's so much about orchestral music that fascinates me, it should be easy to pick something i'll both enjoy researching and learn a lot about!

i'll try to be more current and consistent with my live journal updating! haha :)

after a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
after a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
and you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong,
that you really do have worth.
and you learn and you learn...
with every good-bye you learn...

apparently my cousin was killed. and burned. he was addicted to drugs and probably owed somebody something.

what shit.

he was 26 or so.

the beach was so much fun yesterday :) it was great seeing cathie and alex again, and i missed jacquie from nyu SO much, so it was amazing to see her again. kim and i had some fun on the drives there and back (with my dozing off quite a bit on the ride home, it's a good thing kim was driving!) haha

we spent like 5ish hours on the beach, and since i (of course) did not put on sunscreen, i ended up getting totally lobster-red sunburn. my whole back/chest/neck/etc etc are like glowing red. amusingly enough, my legs are as white as they were before, and they were out in the sun as long as everything else was. my face and arms are a little bit red, but more tan really, which is great!

trying not to hurt too much every time i move.... haha :)

so much to update about!

saw rent last saturday with zoe and her aunt, and it was fabulous! i loved it, probably the best i've seen it, and it was my fourth time. here is my wonderful review:

mark (matt caplan): my fourth time seeing him and i'm really kind of sick of it. he wasn't awful the whole time, in fact he was hilarious in tango: maureen, but other than that, i really still feel like he's uber-sarcastic and rushes through his lines and it just results in this really bad portrayal of mark, in my opinion.
mimi (antonique smith): yay for you, girl. really raspy and dark voice, and it was to the point where i was nervous for her when she was going up to her higher notes and runs... but boy oh boy. she kicked ass on those notes, and belted them out like crazy. in tune and everything. good for her. karmine's still my favorite, but antonique was great.
roger (tim howar): i wasn't into him when he sang one song glory, it was really forced and he just didn't seem to get it, acting-wise. in act two he came alive, though, and his acting and his singing seemed like a whole different person. your eyes was incredible, and even before that, in goodbye love and what you own, he was really great. which is why i'm even more dissapointed in his one song glory.
maureen (ava gaudet): hello! what a fabulous maureen. she can sing, she did an amazing over the moon, and there were a few times we had to take a double take, because she totally looks like idina, depending on how her hair is falling and stuff like that. it was incredible.
joanne (nicole lewis): i really enjoyed her, i thought her voice was great and acting was good too. as usual, between her and maureen, take me or leave me blew me away!
angel (justin johnson): i've seen justin before and he's amazing. i love his angel.
collins (destan owens): i think his voice is amazing, however, the overall pitch of his voice is a little high. he doesn't have that deep baritone resonance, but his i'll cover you reprise was fantastic, as usual, and i thought he and angel were great together.
benny (d'monroe): as usual i don't feel like he stood out as good or bad, i think maybe the part of benny in general doesn't stick out to me. although i enjoyed his you'll see.

overall, i thought the show was fantastic, and i can't wait to go back when matt caplan isn't going to be there! agh, i know, i'm terrible. but i really want to see a new mark!! :X

other than that, things have been kind of same old same old here. i just got back from spending the night with mike in new paltz, and he's a really great guy. he's adorable, sweet, funny, and somehow he's crazy enough to think i'm cute too. i think he's literally the perfect guy. idk what my problem is, i should be head over heels, right? maybe i'm just the problem, lol. in any event, he's a great friend to have and we have fun together, what happens happens.

we might be going to the beach on sunday, which will be nice seeing as my tan is starting to fade. hopefully cathie can come with us! also, next week i'm going down to the island on friday to see chris, then i'm going with cathie and karen to cathie's uncle's house in hampton bays for saturday and sunday. that will be a really nice much-needed weekend away with some great people.

sleep now?

so obviously one of those nights i can't sleep (as it's 9am and i still haven't gone to bed) but anyway, i put in the dvd of working from freshman year at crane. that production (although working was not the greatest musical inherently...) was so well done... and everybody in it was so great. every part was perfect. and it's the last time i've been in an actual full production of a musical. i really really miss that. i want to be in a musical. and i want to sing a beautiful song, like fathers and sons was. i hope crane does a musical again soon. i think it might be senior year when they do the next one... and i hope that it's one that i can have a good part in. just one song. one beautiful song.

1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.

( this is fun, thanks janelle! )

i'm totally 20 years old. kind of exciting :)

wow. feeling really stupid and naive. and sad. when does shit like this end? never.