Log in

No account? Create an account
21 June 2008 @ 03:45 am
i just randomly rediscovered livejournal.  doubtful that i will keep up with it, but i figured i'd post since i was here.

i'm going to peabody conservatory for my master's in piccolo performance!  and they gave me a full tuition assistantship for music theory!  which is awesome, because tuition is ridiculously expensive.  cathie is also going to peabody, and we're living together!  we just got an apartment and i'm really excited about moving and starting new.

hmm yeah that's it in my life really... haha
31 October 2007 @ 10:58 pm
i haven't updated in a million years.

i'm in urinetown the musical right now.
i'm bobby strong
 we open in 9 days...

my life is so consumed by everything i'm doing, and i love everything that i'm doing, but it's all very overwhelming.  urinetown, that goes without saying, is taking over my life, but that will be over in less than two weeks.  thereafter i really have to practice like 8 hours a day for grad school auditions which will be coming up in the february and march.  i'm taking way too many classes, and that stresses me out even more.  all that, and i'm in a relationship that i have no time for, so my feelings for him (which are positive, i really like him) are negated by the fact that i have no time or energy to devote to him.  i have no right to be in a relationship right now.  i don't even have 5 minutes for myself, no less somebody else.  and the thing is, if i get 5 minutes, i want to spend it on myself.  and that might be selfish, but like, stuff gets to a point where if i don't have 'me' time i'm going to crazy and it's getting very very very close to that point right about now.

oh, so, grad school.... i'm never going to get in..
28 May 2007 @ 12:07 pm

go there!  :)
12 May 2007 @ 04:52 pm
so here at crane we have a concerto competition, and 5 winners are picked to play with the orchestra.  this year they decided to pick 3 winners instead of 5, so that the orchestra wouldn't have to play so many concertos...

i competed today, and got 5th


how perfect!!
01 March 2007 @ 10:55 pm
last night after the symphonic band concert, the band director (who is also the director of the wind ensemble, which i'm in) had a heart attack and had to be taken to the hospital.  when i found out i couldn't believe it.  i hope he's going to be okay - from what we hear, he will be. <3 dr. doyle <3

tomorrow is my mtp audition package presentation... i'm singing: "purpose" from avenue q, "nobody needs to know" from the last 5 years, and "giants in the sky" from into the woods.  yay, i love my song choices!  i hope they go well tomorrow, they sounded alright tonight when i sang for derek and lauren. 

i'm exhausted... my recital is in 9 days.  help me.... lol
25 February 2007 @ 02:13 am
i'm tired of indefinitely feeling this way - indefinitely for the past two years... i guess this time of year is particularly difficult for me.  but the bottom line is, i'm sick of it.  i'm sick of not being able to move on, to get past it.  i'm sick of not being able to look back at the past few years of my life and decide that it was well spent.  i can't even read past entries of my journal without spiraling into some sort of introverted depressed state where i can't even talk about what's wrong because the people who understand what's going on are probably so tired of hearing about the same thing over and over.  i'm also tired of feeling like my feelings are invalid just because they're two years old.  i'm sick of not managing to overcome it with something far more important.  i read in janelle's journal (janelle, -if you read this- sorry for not commenting on it, i meant to, it was a great quote!) this quote:  "if you've really had your first true love, no one can ever hurt you like that again."  and i think that's true.  i think the reason it's true is because i'll probably never naively and without hesitation open myself to someone again.  i'll never give them the chance to hurt me the same way michael did.  and that's probably the only reason why nobody will hurt me like that again.  the problem for me is that i don't ever see how i'm going to get over the pain of it regardless of whether future pain will be worse.  but i suppose that because of the fact that nothing since has come even close, i can't really fairly decide that i'm not going to feel better about it at some point... it's just hard in the mean time to come to terms with perpetually feeling like there's never going to be anything better - anything good - to make a difference in my life.  worse than thinking i'll never find someone, is thinking that i've found someone, and, well, it's easy to imagine how that turns out.

i'm tired of thinking.  goodnight.
20 February 2007 @ 11:31 am
let x equal the quantity of all quantities of x.
let x equal the cold.
it is cold in december.
the months of cold equal november through february.
there are four months of cold, and four of heat
leaving four months of indeterminate temperature.
in february it snows.
in march the lake is a lake of ice.
in september the students come back and the bookstores are full.
let x equal the month of full bookstores.
the number of books approaches infinity
as the number of months of cold approaches four.
i will never be as cold now as i will in the future.
the future of cold is infinite.
the future of heat is the future of cold.
the bookstores are infinite and so are never full except in september...
05 February 2007 @ 01:54 am
i'm an emotional wreck.
09 January 2007 @ 04:42 am
wow: liszt - les preludes. wow.
24 December 2006 @ 02:06 am
wow, i haven't used livejournal in a really long time. now that i'm home and have no life, maybe i'll use it more often.

grades are in for the semester! yay!

lit & style III - 4.0
conducting III - 4.0
symphonic lit - 4.0
musical theatre perf - 4.0
flute studio - 4.0
flute orchestral studies - 4.0

i passed my ensembles and stuff, and i got an incomplete for my recital which was rescheduled for next semester, but i knew about that already. the best part about grades this semester was that i had originally signed up to teach lessons to a non-major, but then after a sequence of miscommunications and whatever else, the girl dropped the lesson credits, so i was left with credits to teach, and no student. mr. andrews told me to ignore it and just pretend it didn't exist.... so i assumed there would be some sort of bad situation at the end of the semester that i'd have to deal with... so i look on my final grades. teaching lessons? 4.0. i didn't even hand in a single piece of paper for it... haha oh well, whatever. my overal gpa became a 3.93 with this semester's grades... so i hope it'll keep going up!

i've been home now for a week, and i have to say... home is getting kind of old. it's been nice seeing zoe, susan, and some other people that i've been able to hang out with that i haven't seen for a while.. but other that, idk... i'm not really feeling poughkeepsie. i worked on monday and tuesday when i first got back, my uncle needed some help with his holiday mail-out at his insurance agency. i ended up stuffing 450ish envelopes with calendars, planners and christmas letters.. it was tedious and totally mind numbing, but it was nice to get some extra money.

in other news... zipod has taken a turn for the worst. he only works when he's plugged in now, and won't hold a charge for more than 10 minutes if i unplug him. my aunt said she'd buy me a new ipod, which is great! i just have to decide now whether i want a white or a black one. any suggestions? i've heard the black ones scratch really easily, but they look cool. so idk.

our flute audition excerpts are a pain in my ass already, especially beethoven 3. the excerpts are from gluck's dance of the blessed spirits, beethoven symphony no. 3, and till eulenspeigel's merry pranks... which is just wonderful. till is turning out to be the least of my problems, though. my beethoven sounds pretty crappy and i always have trouble with the slow lyrical excerpt since i have no connection or musical line when i play. hey, if there's any flute player out there who's really good at slow lyrical stuff and has trouble with technique, we can share an orchestral seat somewhere; i'll just play all the technical stuff and you can play the slow pretty stuff. great, inquire within.

i'm planning on giving a recital over break somewhere in poughkeepsie, so i have to find out if my accompanist darren is available to work with me for it. i'll probably play my half-hour recital (which will be in the spring) repertoire plus some other stuff. right now i'm considering: recital rep!Collapse )

anyway, i have to go practice, haha.